Finally! A *realistic* Mary-Sue!
by Jedi Aeryn
Summary: I'm kinda sick of those author-is-an-amazing-archer-and-a-superb-cook-and-the-love-of-Legolas'-life-and-did-I-mention-I-killed-all-nine-Ringwraiths-single-handedly? type stories. So, I wrote my own version of a Mary-Sue.


******************* Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, except myself. Don't sue me. I don't have any money anyway.  
  
Note: This isn't your average Mary-Sue. You could say it's more realistic than most. heh heh heh Please r/r.  
  
******************  
  
An Elven maiden stumbled into Rivendell. Despite all the rules of time, space, and Elf-dom, she was looking rather grungy. Her feet were scratched and bleeding from the stones and sticks in the road, and they were caked with mud. Her dress, which had never been beautiful, was almost beyond recognition now. It had been shredded from catching on various thorns and briers on the road to Rivendell, and it was mottled brown and green, instead of the white it might have once been.  
  
Legolas met her on the road as she came into town. She gazed up at him with big, pleading eyes. The Elf erupted into hysterical laughter, then walked back toward Rivendell, leaving the girl alone in the falling darkness.  
  
Crying, stumbling, bleeding, and scared, she dragged herself into Elrond's palace. Elrond, too, took one look at her and erupted into laughter. Arwen, however, had just a bit of sympathy and took the girl to her room and tried to clean her up a bit. After the girl had bathed, Arwen tried to brush the maiden's hair, but the teeth of the brush kept breaking off, and the princess gave up. She found a green ribbon and tied the girl's hair into a ponytail.  
  
"What's your name?" Arwen asked kindly.  
  
"Aeryn," the girl answered, but said nothing more.  
  
Arwen frowned. "It wounds too much like my own name. Is it okay if we call you 'Bob' while you're here?"  
  
"I suppose," Aeryn answered.  
  
"No, you do not suppose. I am the princess of this palace, and *I* will do all the supposing!" Arwen snapped.  
  
"Sorry." Aeryn, now called Bob, held her hands up in humble apology.  
  
Arwen did not reply, but rummaged through her closet until she found her plainest gown, one of deep purple with no frills. "Here," she said to Aeryn.  
  
Aeryn looked more like a Hobbit than an Elf. She was shorter than Arwen, and much more plump. Still, she was grateful to have anything to wear and she slipped it on. She looked in Arwen's mirror. She looked horrid. She fitted the dress so that it looked as if it would burst around the stomach, but the cloth wrinkled over her breasts because there was nothing to fill the space. The lime green ribbon in her scraggly hair did nothing to help the overall effect.  
  
Arwen looked repulsed, but said nothing for a moment. She finally spoke. "Why don't you go see if you can be of any help in the kitchen?"  
  
Aeryn obliged. An hour later, dinner was served. The bread was blackened and the meat was undercooked. As the Elves wrinkled their noses over their dinners, one of the Men, Aragorn, took a bite. He immediately spat it out.  
  
"That is the most repulsive thing I have ever tasted!" he shouted. "Who is responsible for this monstrosity?"  
  
"That would be me," Aeryn answered meekly.  
  
Aragorn stood and stomped over to Aeryn. He nearly seized her wrist, then drew his hand back at the last moment. "What is your name, child?" he spat.  
  
"Aer." she caught Arwen's menacing glare, "Bob."  
  
"Well, Bob, why don't you go hunt something for dinner that's fit to eat?" he asked, his voice deadly quiet, and more menacing than it would have been if he'd shouted.  
  
"Of. of. c-course." Aeryn sputtered, then pushed her chair back. She stood, but the foot of her chair caught the hem of Arwen's robe that she wore.  
  
RIIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!! The sound echoed through the dining hall. Arwen glared daggers at Aeryn.  
  
Whimpering slightly, she ran from the table. Legolas followed.  
  
Once they were outside, she turned to him.  
  
"Legolas, did you come to comfort me?"  
  
"Hell no," he answered. "I came to hunt. If I leave it up to you, we'll all starve. Here. Make yourself useful." He tossed her a bow and a quiver.  
  
Legolas spotted the first kill. He nailed a squirrel neatly through the heart.  
  
They wandered on in silence. At last, Aeryn spotted a buffalo wandering through the trees. She took aim and fired an arrow. It sailed through the air and landed neatly in a tree ten feet left of the beast. She tried again. This one sailed up through the foliage and out of sight. On her third shot, a loud noise from somewhere made her jump, and she shot Legolas in the butt.  
  
"Oh, let me help you!" she squeaked, running to him.  
  
"No way," he replied, backing away.  
  
"I'm just going to pull the arrow out!" she begged.  
  
Legolas snarled. "Like hell you are." He reached around, took a firm grip on the arrow, gritted his teeth, and yanked it out. Blood gushed from the wound.  
  
Aeryn ran over and tried to stop the bleeding. She reached out to put her hand over the wound. "I don't think so," Legolas growled.  
  
Aeryn lost her footing on the stony ground. She fell into Legolas, who toppled backward. She lay on the ground, on top of him.  
  
Legolas shrieked, "You're crushing me! Get off, get OFF, you little freak!" He shoved her off, then started back to Rivendell, one hand covering his bleeding behind, the other making a most obscene gesture.  
  
Aeryn trudged back to Rivendell. She hid through dinner, but later found her way to Arwen's quarters. "Arwen?" she asked.  
  
"Yes, Bob?" Arwen replied coldly.  
  
"I've tried flirting with Legolas, and Elrond, and Aragorn, and all the others, and they won't even look at me," Aeryn stated.  
  
"Uh-huh." Arwen answered, not really listening.  
  
"So, uh, I was wondering."  
  
"Yes?" Arwen pressed, mildly irritated.  
  
Aeryn's nervous question came out as one long, jumbled word. "Arwenwillyoumakeoutwithme?"  
  
Arwen whirled around. "NO!" she screamed. "GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"  
  
So, still wearing Arwen's dress, and rejected by every Elf she'd encountered, Aeryn walked backward on the road from whence she came. 


End file.
